State of the Union
Courtesy Marquil at EmpireWire.com
Tag: humor
Extreme Whack Job
HT Marquil at EmpireWire.com
With Apologies to Ludwig Bemelmans
lived a grumpy old man, with buckets of dough.
With buckets of dough, he sent his notes
called the press, and shilled for votes.
He smiled at the right and RINOs he mourned
and sometimes he’d forward equestrian porn.
He left the house at half past nine in an X-5
in rain or snow – the angry one is Paladino.
He likes dollars, euros, escudos –
he shows up on Fox with Neil Cavuto.
To the rhino in the zoo,
Carl just says, “fuck you!”
And no one knew so well
how to scream or how to yell.
One day Carl stood at the door
of the former Maltese ambassador.
He had helped a man named Brian
whom he had defamed on a sign.
Everybody had to snarl.
Everyone was pissed at Carl.
To Astorino and to Trump,
Carl would not be such a grump.
Carl had threatened, cajoled, and whined,
he’d run on the Conservative line.
But Skelos and Kolb were the big priority,
for his microscopic tea party minority.
Good night, all you teabaggers,
and thanks for your drama!
Now go back to hating
that Kenyan n0bama!
Now, let’s turn out the light
and close the door.
That’s all there is,
there isn’t any more.
Learn Guitar with David Brent
But now that both are done, Ricky Gervais, who played Brent and co-created the series, has revived the Brent character through a series of YouTube videos called “Learn Guitar with David Brent“. You don’t really learn how to play guitar, but Brent’s awkward and clueless arrogance comes out loud and clear.
Here’s an appropriate one for today – language NSFW. I find ’em. I find ’em.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLDyugzWk1s&w=640&h=360]
Captain Collins
America doesn’t do peerages, so Collins bought himself the next best thing – a Congressional seat, and dammit he’s the captain of that ship. He’s got the stripes to prove it.
Is it just an Adidas ad, or does it designate rank?
I can only assume that Grant and Loomis have similar white and red golf shirts with two stripes. Interns and lower-level staffers get one. It’s good to know your place.
Easy Money
Photo by William Smyers via Flickr AV Photo Daily Group
Dearest Friend,
My name is Mr.Samuel Frank; I am the son of the former minister of finance for the Lord Mayor of the City of Niagara Falls (USA). I am contacting you for a business transfer of a huge sum of money from a deceased account.
Though know that a transaction of this magnitude will make any one apprehensive and worried, but I am assuring you that every document that will bring about the success of this transaction will be provided by an attorney here in Niagara Falls, and all will be well at the end of the day. I decided to contact you due to the urgency of this transaction.
My father, the deceased person who died; died in a lorry accident while he held a cheque for US$89 millions in his personal pocket. I retrieved the cheque.
Since his death, I have fled to Lome, Togo, but cannot cash the cheque in my possession because of the different modalities of bankings here. Your American NSA is tracking my every move and mobile phone activities. We cannot release the fund from this cheque unless someone applies for claim as the next-of-kin to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines.
Upon this discovery, I now seek your assistance to stand as a next of kin to the deceased, as all documentations will be carefully worked to make you the beneficiary to the funds $89,000,000 USD which will be released in your favor as the next of kin, Because after twenty days the money will be called back to the bank bond treasury as unclaimed bills and the money shared amongst the directors of the bank.
So it is on this note I decided to seek for whom his name shall be used as the next of kin/beneficiary to this funds rather than allow the bank directors to share this money amongst them at the end of the year. It may interest you to know that we have secured from the probate an order of mandamus to locate any of the deceased beneficiaries.
Please acknowledge receipt of this message in acceptance of our mutual business endeavor by furnishing me with the following information if you are interested.
Your Full Name:_____________________
Your Complete Address:________________________
Name of City of Residence:________________________
Date of Birth (Day/Month/Year):__________________
Your occupation:____________________________
Direct Telephone Number: ____________________
Mobile Number: ____________________________
Fax Number:___________________________________
For our personal contact and mutual trust in each other I shall be compensating you with 50% of the above amount on final conclusion of this project for your assistance with bank modalities, and the balance 50% shall be for me, because I intend to retire after the conclusion of this transaction.
If this proposal is acceptable by you, please endeavor to contact me immediately. Do not take undue advantage of the trust I have bestowed in you, I await your urgent mail now to my private email richardson_frank@msn.co.uk
Best Regards,
Mr.Samuel.Frank
Four Chords
Thanks to my former WNYMedia.net colleague Chris Charvella for posting this on Facebook, this Australian trio makes the case that all it takes to make a pop hit is four chords.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOlDewpCfZQ?list=PLB5D4364384A31264&w=640&h=360]
Prison Gangs of New York
US Sequestrian Team
Courtesy Marquil at EmpireWire.com
Keystone
Courtesy Marquil at EmpireWire.com