Late Friday, as viewers in the United States began watching an Olympics opening ceremony that had literally just ended in real time (#NBCFail), @BuffaloJill on Twitter imagined out loud what a Buffalo Olympic opening ceremony would look like. Hilarity ensued.
[<a href=”http://storify.com/buffalopundit/buffalo-opening-ceremony” target=”_blank”>View the story “Buffalo Opening Ceremony” on Storify</a>]<h1>Buffalo Opening Ceremony</h1><h2>On July 28, during the Olympic opening ceremonies, Twitter user @BuffaloJill imagined what a similar event would feature if held in Buffalo. Hilarity ensued. </h2><p>Storified by Alan Bedenko · Sun, Jul 29 2012 04:13:35</p><div>What if Buffalo had an opening ceremony? What would we have? #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyJill</div><div>Vincent Gallo narrates. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyJill</div><div>.@BuffaloJill Wing-Bleu Cheese-Celery Race #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyChris Ryndak</div><div>Instead of lighting the torch, Trent Edwards checks down. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyJill</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Ralph Wilson lights the Ralph Wilson torch at Ralph Wilson stadium.Alan Bedenko</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Buster Bison and Chip interpret the closing of Bethlehem Steel through modern dance.Alan Bedenko</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony 1/8th of it takes place in Toronto.Jeremy White</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Tom Bauerle gives dramatic speech about cats, ghosts, implied bisexuality.Alan Bedenko</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony 50-foot tall puppet of the Lady In WhiteAlan Bedenko</div><div>Conehead would’ve given his guarantee on the Olympic torch. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyKevin Snow</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony AFSCME picket, inflatable rat on site.Alan Bedenko</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Ani DiFranco sings a medley of songs no one’s heard beforeAlan Bedenko</div><div>After years of planning, studies, etc & countless dollars spent the stadium is never built & the games go elsewhere #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyMark Poloncarz</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony stadium empties to reveal thousands of old shoes and clothing items left by "Team Canada"Jeremy White</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony is blacked out in BuffaloGeoff Smith</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony we actually hold two competing, simultaneous ceremonies, because someone pissed someone off once.Alan Bedenko</div><div>dignitaries arrive by driving cars into buildings #BuffaloOpeningCeremonya tramp abroad</div><div>We tailgate it. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyChris Ryndak</div><div>Lead all newscasts with first person who complains that there is nothing to do during Buffalo Olympics #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyAaron Mentkowski</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony sketchy guy invites the world to come work at Geico.Alan Bedenko</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony A drunken Pat Kane extinguishes the flame by dumping out his 40oz beer on it.Bobby Digital</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Lenny Palumbo writes something phenomenally homophobic about itAlan Bedenko</div><div>"Better Days" named official song. #BuffaloOpeningCeremony @createvidsKevin Snow</div><div>Goo Goo Dolls play a full four hours. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonySabres 101</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Carl Paladino lists athletes he doesn’t care for on top of his burned out buildings.DBUF11</div><div>Parade of Nations has to keep stopping at unsynched traffic lights. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyJill</div><div>@JeremyWGR Tailgating is recognized as an official sport. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyJeff Scharf</div><div>12 Led Zeppelin cover bands. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyScott Michalak</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony The team at NBC is replaced by a Buffalo all-star team comprised of Duke McGuire, John Murphy, and Rick JeanneretGeoffrey Blosat</div><div>A reminder to all medal winners: "Bum-bum-bum, we buy silver, we buy gold…" #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyTodd O. Massey</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony for those that don’t have a ticket, head to party in the plaza!DBUF11</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Pearl Street offers a discount on drinks with ticket to the opening ceremony.Geoffrey Blosat</div><div>Every visiting athlete comments on how ugly the city is. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonySteve O</div><div>Golisano holds U.S. team hostage until they agree to perform in Rochester for "one night only". #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyhippiegrrl</div><div>Irv announces lighting of Olympic Flame as "5 Alarm Fire in Orchard Park – details at 11" #buffaloopeningceremonyGlenMcDole</div><div>Keith Radford & Joanna Pisceri talk over the ENTIRE THING. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyTodd O. Massey</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Scott Norwood comes through the floor and kicks a flaming ball to light the torch but this time hits its on turfjason ziegler</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Greece is first team to enter. Buster Bison, armed with a squirt gun, obstructs pathJosh Veronica</div><div>Olympic torch used to make Chiavetta’s chicken barbecue. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonySabres 101</div><div>#buffaloopeningceremony we go til 4 in the morning. Then breakfast at PerkinsJoe Haniszewski</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony giant blow up beef an wecks and chicken wings appear in center of ceremonyjason ziegler</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony where pop officially replaces sodaJon Clark</div><div>Carl Paladino makes a speech to complain about all the foreigners &
amp;amp;quot;invading" his city. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyTravis Worth</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Irv Weinstein hands out 1 buffalo wing to each person coming into stadium to hold up during torch lighting.My Low End Theory</div><div>After #BuffaloOpeningCeremony is held east of Transit Road, @BuffaloRising commenters call it the "Clarence Olympics."Ra Cha Cha</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony subject to blackoutDarin Schwabe</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony During the Biathlon the crowd is heard yelling Shoot!Mike Ripley</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Scott Norwood goes wide right with torch, sets Lake Erie on fireian leggin</div><div>Crowd throwing their plastic beer cups at this shit. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyScott Michalak</div><div>Team Elmwood Village would protest any suburbanites and/or SUV drivers being allowed to play. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyCeeDee</div><div>Those who can’t get in have a Party in the Plaza #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyCasey Schroeder</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony the torch is lit by a drunk marshawn lynchJames Misercola</div><div>The Town of Orchard Park refuses to allow others to participate in swimming events #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyMark B</div><div>AMVETS outfits Team USA at #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyMarquil</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony everyone walks into the stadium and says "wait, why do you have O.J. Simpson on your wall?" #forrealthoughNick Veronica</div><div>biggest. tailgating party. ever. #buffaloopeningceremonyAndrew Haynes</div><div>Byron Brown has a field day with his giant scissors upon the opening of Buffalo’s olympic village aka Statler City #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyBennett Collins</div><div>People from Rochester say that they would have done a better job. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyThomas Mehs</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony listen to Matt Lauer continuously refer to it as "northern New York".Trlr</div><div>Only coverage it gets in local media involves investigation into the cost of parking. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyBradford Reid</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Everyone outside of New York State assumes the ceremony is occurring just a few minutes from New York CityChris Ceci</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony Carl Paladino is awarded midnight permit to demolish Olympic Stadium just minutes prior to ceremony kick-off.Chris Ceci</div><div>Instead of Paul McCartney, Hit N Run Live from Cheektowaga town park #BuffaloOpeningCeremonyDennis Louis</div><div>Everything goes as planned and everyone gets upset that there’s nothing to get upset about. #BuffaloOpeningCeremony #NOOUTRAGEOUTRAGE!!!Buffalo Outrage</div><div>Terry Pegula blubbers at the sight of Usain Bolt. #BuffaloOpeningCeremony (hashtag corrected)Tim Graham</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony buffalonian athletes get nothing better than silverdk</div><div>1 person would complain 1 week before the event, Olympics are cancelled. #BuffaloOpeningCeremonySmokey Tokey</div><div>#BuffaloOpeningCeremony months after loss, Judge Bettmann says "yeah, it was a new record, but oh well. Oops."Tony House</div>
