Chris Collins: This F*cking Guy Again

It is the year of our Lord twenty twenty five and the Buffalo News is writing about Florida resident and pardoned felon Chris Collins, formerly of Clarence. As far as I’m concerned, Florida can have him and his idle rich gilded age family. I would love to never have to read about him again.

I will tell you this – if I became so rich that not only I, but my children, would never have to work again, I can think of a trillion things I would do before I would ever seek public office. Hell, I’d probably take some of that money and help unfortunate people, but then, I’m of the woke left.

Oh boo fucking hoo and cry me a river.

The thing about Collins is that he and Chris Grant are absolutely right:

“He was a MAGA originalist, and that matters,” Grant said. “Voters are going to ask: Are you loyal to the president? And there’s no one in the country that’s been more loyal to the president.”

It’s refreshing to see it in black and white. Because really, that’s all that counts for a MAGA politician – loyalty to the Dear Leader; to the dictator. There is no constituent but the one at Mar-a-Lago. There is no constituency than the other super-rich mfers whose only daily worry is, e.g., whether the help remembered to put 93 octane in the Aston Martin.

The theme of this entire “comeback story” is a typical one for MAGA: it is centered on narcissistic supremacy, misplaced grievance, and abject selfishness. Congress isn’t about public service, it’s about nobility. It’s about getting what they believe we people owe them – a title, some privilege, attention.

Chris Collins – the worst Erie County Executive since Joel Giambra – gives these reasons for wanting to return to Congress after having pleaded guilty to federal charges involving insider trading (i.e., cheating at the stock market), and being subsequently pardoned:

“Because I didn’t leave on my terms, and my reputation was trashed.”

“I want to think, you know, 25 years to go,” he added. “I’m 75. I’m gonna live to be 100. I don’t want my next 25 years to be as a convicted felon who went to federal prison.”

His reputation was not passively trashed – not by any of the prosecutors whom he singles out for hatred, if not revenge – and not by the woke left or anyone else. Chris Collins trashed his own reputation by committing crimes. The fact that he refuses (or is incapable) of acknowledging that simple fact explains why he is completely and perpetually unfit for any public office or public trust.

Look at this absolutely insane, high-school-quality, dime-store mob boss invective Collins hurls at the United States Government that prosecuted him for the crimes to which he admitted and for which he pleaded guilty.

“I’m hoping it’s interesting enough that people will read it, and when they come away having read it, they’ll realize the Department of Injustice persecuted me, prosecuted me, railroaded me, coerced me into that guilty plea – which will help me then also win my election.”

“Department of Injustice.” Maybe he should do what the rest of the Trump grifter class do and just host a podcast. I’m sure he can get some kind of testosterone powder and the low-T Financial Guys to sponsor it. Collins the criminal was treated like a criminal and did not receive special kid-glove treatment. That is at the heart of Collins’ complaints. He was treated like everyone else. Like regular people. Like you would be if you were dumb enough to insider trade and/or sloppy enough to get caught.

He said he would like to serve at least two terms if he returns to Congress, where he hopes to further Trump’s agenda. And after that, Collins envisions a retirement where he’s no longer the felon who was kicked out of the Brookfield Country Club, no longer the guy whose high school removed his picture from its hall of fame.

“I can see my last 20 years,” he said. “Now I’m welcomed everywhere. ‘And would you be on our board?’ ‘And would you come to our gala?’ And then I’ve got one hell of a retirement, which I really don’t have now.”

The megalomania is astonishing. He’s 75 and foresees living to 100(!) He wants to serve two terms in Congress servicing his master, Trump. That’s it.

What you don’t see is what you never see from Collins – he who cut services, did his best to decimate the arts and music in Erie County, to deny people health insurance, and to otherwise starve and eliminate basically anything that government helped to find that improved average people’s quality of life.

Collins has absolutely not one thing to say about the regular people whom he would ostensibly “serve” and “represent” in Congress. (I know, I know – it’s all about salvaging his tarnished reputation and doing Trump’s bidding, but let’s pretend for a moment that MAGAs like Collins give a whit about people whose last names don’t end in a consonant and who don’t live in 6 million dollar seafront homes in the ritziest area of Florida). Chris Collins doesn’t offer even a syllable – not a sound, not a consonant, not a schwa – explaining even one infinitesimal thing he might want to do as a Congressman to help regular people.

What he wants is gala invitations and board appointments. Chris Collins’ run for office isn’t about the people or the constitution or the law or the country or Florida or whatever constituency he’d represent. Chris Collins’ run for office is about Chris Collins and, by extension, Donald Trump.

He is a sad state of affairs in a country that is in a sad state already. It is altogether possible that he wins himself a return to Congress. (Hope he doesn’t spend so much that his kid might have to get a job.) A corrupt and morally depraved country led by corrupt and morally empty people deserves no less than this megalomaniacal cult nihilist.