You might be thinking, “RINO?!” Carl Paladino, a Republican in name only? Sure, and that’s not me saying that, it’s the Investigative Post, which backed up that allegation with proof of Paladino’s continued campaign contributions to Democrats, when convenient for him; not unlike his vocal support of Democrat Sheila Meegan in the West Seneca Supervisor’s race this past November. (Notice he never mentions her political affiliation?)
So it comes as a hilarious end-of-year punctuation mark that Paladino – the new chairman of Trump for NY – this week emailed this to his adoring followers:
You see, there are few things that Paladino hates more than Democrats.
Well, some Democrats; the Democrats who aren’t in a position to help him personally or professionally, that is.
So, let’s make fun of this list of Paladino’s.
#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.
Carl Paladino believes in traditional marriage of a man, a woman, and some chick on the side. A guy with a kid from an extramarital affair opining on the sanctity of marriage…sorry, the guy who thought it funny to send around a pornographic video featuring a horse having anal sex with a woman to compeletion is opining on the sanctity of marriage and joking about marrying an animal. This is self-parody.
#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.
Gas taxes go to pay for the roads and infrastructure on which this person’s personal and business interests rely. It’s also relevant to point out here that the federal government subsidizes oil and gas exploration and exploitation through tax breaks that cost us $21 billion over ten years. The Democrats tried to repeal that giveaway, only to be stymied by Republicans like Paladino. Through the past decade of sky-high crude oil and gas prices, oil companies have been making out like bandits. The big loser was the American consumer, who for some time paid well over $4.00/gallon. Gas prices now are closer to $2.00/gallon, but it takes a special mindset to defend the poor, beleagured oil companies. A sick mindset.
#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.
Oh, boo hoo. Local multimillionaire whining about paying taxes on his income so that he can, e.g., fund all those wars he wants. I wish I had the problem of paying taxes on my millions of dollars of income. #RichLivesMatter.
#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.
“Freedom of speech”, says the guy who threatened to “take out” a reporter.
#6. I vote Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that gets police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.
I’m sure the Buffalo Police are super-pleased with that ringing endorsement. Suffice it to say that if that’s your mindset, being in a perpetual state of fear and siege is a lousy way to live.
#5. I vote Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.
That conveniently underscores how “pro life” people aren’t exactly pro life. Paladino fashions himself a Catholic. I’m pretty sure the Pope has something to say about the death penalty. And adultery. And horse porn. And hypocrisy.
#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.
That’s a laugh, considering Carl’s GOP has been at forefront of pushing schemes to privatize Social Security and voucherizing Medicare.
#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees it.
That’s just clownish nonsense. Is he claiming that Democrats cause Ellicott Development’s profits to be taxed at 100%? When does Jeremy Zellner decide how to spend all of that money?
#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.
Not clear on which “fringe kooks” he’s talking about, but he must mean liberal judges like John Roberts. Seriously, someone should press him on “fringe kooks”. I’ll bet the answer is delicious.
… And, the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it’s better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher, or fish here in America. We don’t care about the beetles, gophers, or fish in those other countries.
Remember how we waged an aggressive war of choice against Iraq under false and manufactured pretenses? Remember how we would be greeted as liberators, and how the war would pay for itself through oil revenues? All of it was lies, and that’s the sort of agenda Carl Paladino thinks makes great sense for the American people – spending trillions of taxpayer dollars on unnecessary war and occupation rather than helping out people and businesses here at home. Oil, by the way, now trades at $38/barrel. Under Democratic President Obama, increased fuel efficiency measures paired with growing domestic oil production has brought us to a point where we are now poised to become a net exporter of oil products for the first time since the 1950s.
So, Paladino is satisfied with promoting discredited and outdated lies in order to inflame his base. He’s like a NSFW Fox News Channel.