To accompany his take on the Collins-buys-Calvins-to-ingratiate-himself-to-the-hicks story, Genesee County-based writer and friend Chris Charvella used this image

Something about the surprised look on Collins’ face made this ripe for a meme, so we launched #CluelessCollins, which produced these, along with Buffalo Rising writer @HeyRaChaCha





  • “Ah, nice lap dance, Cletus!”

    “Who needs the arts–it’s ‘Hang’em High Night’ at the Holding Center. Now THAT’s entertainment!”

    “I shoved my library card up my crack!”

    “Rats can make excellent pets–ask my wife!”

    “I thought there was only one Antichrist, but looky-there: a whole synagogue-ful!”

    “Variability is the enemy!” (actual Six Sigma slogan)

  • So Alan, who do you prefer for the spot?

  • BlackRockLifer

    Collins is our local version of Romney, blissfully ignorant of life in the real world, out of touch with regular folks, and way too arrogant to realize it.

  • Besides wondering what brand jeans Clueless Byron Brown wears, we wonder if Alan has seen Barry Obama wearing his Mom Jeans while riding his Mom Bike on Martha’s Vineyard.
    Just Google “Obama dork bike”.

  • The jeans mocking and clever meme-ing actually seem a step away on the hate scale compared to inventing and spreading false accusations against him (that his team forged absentee ballots in the county exec race, or that he threatened to close NF air base).  
    But speaking of multi-millionaire crony capitalist political figures who deserve mocking, Collins has a way to go in self parody to catch up with the one who apparently sent his multi-millionaire spouse on a staged visit to discount chain Target with an AP photog granted exclusive access to be sure people found out, conveniently during his reported populist makeover.


    • Tell me again how he’s a small businessman.

    • BlackRockLifer

      Yeah, the link to the article proves your point, the article is fair and balanced, the commentators quoted in it are Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and Sean Hannity.  These guys are well known for their bipartisanship, basic decency, and respectful criticism of President Obama.

      Obama isn’t perfect but unlike Collins and/or Romney he has a much better understanding of the challenges facing the average American. That comes not just from humble beginnings but from a basic respect for all people and a less cynical view of society in general.

      • and Sean Hannity.  These guys are well known for their bipartisanship, basic decency, and respectful criticism of President Obama.

        Now that you mention it, doesn’t the blogger here usually treat Collins precisely the same way Hannity usually treats Obama?   It’s a great analogy.  Do you agree?

    • Tell me again how Collins is a “small businessman”. 

      • Sorry for delay.  You guys hadn’t been replying to my recent comments, so I didn’t think there’d be one this time.

        According to Obama’s federal SBA, Collins owns small businesses.  See answer to FAQ #1 here on the sba.gov web site. It says a small business is any having fewer than 500 employees.

        From news reports, Collins owns for example businesses with 25, 100, and 30 employees (Zepto, Volland, Audubon)…  

        Is my math wrong to think numbers like 25, 100, and 30 aren’t far less than 500?   Even if those are summed, 155 looks like much less than half of 500.

        • @starrrbuck:disqus :  Yes, Chris Collins’ roster of companies that he’s taken over counts as a “small business” because when you drove by ZeptoMatrix, it didn’t look that big.
          I don’t see why I’m beholden to the SBA’s (or, as you put it, the Obama Administration’s) definition of a “small business”.Tell me, if Collins is such a small fry when it comes to being a businessman, how/why on Earth did we rely on his “business” acumen to run a billion-dollar county with thousands of employees? One would almost say that his mom ‘n pop holding company left him wildly unqualified to run that entity “like a business”.
          Your assertion is that Chris Collins only owns three businesses, but there’s no proof of that – only proof that three is the best number you were able to Google. His own Wikipedia page reveals that between 1997 – 2008, he bought out 20 businesses (I don’t know how many employees any of them had) and folded them under 7 companies listed there.  Specifically, from this page:
          For the last eight years, Collins has managed and is the sole investor of Cobblestone Enterprises LLC, a merchant bank that is focused on investing in local manufacturing companies. Over the years, Cobblestone Enterprises has invested in management buyouts and purchases of financially distressed companies that have sustainable market niches. Since 1998, Cobblestone has invested in over 20 acquisitions that currently operate as ten separate platform companies. These companies currently have over 600 employees, including 500 in Western New York, with annual sales in excess of $80 million.

          • Dear Alan,

            Do each of the companies have >600, or is the total of all the companies >600?  (I am tired, thus the question.)

          • Wow, lots of questions there. You aren’t beholden to anything but the federal government’s expertise in categorizing things is widely respected so it seemed a good source for the definition. It’s anyone’s guess why his background of owning and growing manufacturing businesses of those sizes was preferred by 60% or so of voters in that election compared to Keane’s background. No joke: I was surprised Keane didn’t win following years of Giambra. I didn’t assert Collins owned only those three.   Zepto and Volland were the well known examples I’d heard of through media coverage of him, and the third, Audubon Machinery, showed up in a Google. 

            If somebody owns some of something for many years that are well within the definition of small, does their combined size mean they aren’t small?

            If somebody owns three or more small pugs for a long time, does their combined weight mean he doesn’t own any small dogs but is now a large dog owner?  

            Hope this helps.

  • RUSH?
    That’s what I get when my lackeys fire my enemies.

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